This week (porno)graphic photos of Amber Rose were leaked on the internet. I will not provide a link to the images for the sake of my thirteen year old nephew and other young people reading my blog. Nevertheless, they are there for those who want to see it so I think an honest discussion is a valuable response to the scandal.
I confess I giggled when Rose reached for church rhetoric “This too will pass,” she said. But there is no judgement on my part and I think this story is an appropriate introduction to consider women’s sexuality. Nude photos are not an issue for me. I appreciate the form of the human body, am partial to nude photography and as far as women’s bodies go Rose has one of the most beautiful frames I have seen. Had the images been the circles of her breasts, dip of her waist and curve of her hips into full thighs I would have said nothing. But seeing her mid stimulation was concerning. Whilst I press for women’s bodies to be appreciated as multi-purpose I believe firmly that sex is private and pornography – I am still weighing my attitude toward erotica – is one of the vilest expressions of the sexual dysfunction we experience in our culture.
Rose apologised to the young girls who look up to her and being fairly liberal in this area I questioned how necessary this was beyond the need for good PR. Women have sex. Happily and willingly. I don’t think it should come as a surprise to young girls that Rose knows where her own vagina is. I am not suggesting that pornographic pictures are the right medium but there is a need to establish with our young women that our sexual desires should be accommodated; our bodies should be viewed as our own, absolutely. Why should another person become acquainted with our bodies before we are? We should all be afforded the safety (physical, spiritual and emotional) to develop our sexual personalities. I know that I am throwing myself to the lions in saying this but Rose is not the first woman to take this type of photograph, she will not be the last, and so what if this is what takes the fancy of her and her partner?
Should my writing ever become important to many I hope that there is enough trust in my relationships that thousands will never be staring down my thighs. But women who are sexually expressive are rarely given right to our respect, compassion, sympathy or protection. A friend of mine managed to find the pictures in less than sixty seconds and then said “Wow, porn.” I told him not to pretend with me that he did not entirely relish the vision. He admitted that he did but said she was a fetish and not a woman you would bring home to your mum. I was catapulted into the hoe versus housewife divide and conquer rhetoric. Being sure to listen so that my sharp reprimand could be specific I asked him why and he told me: “She doesn’t convey a responsible woman. She is objectified. Sexually a freaky man’s fantasy”. I explained my perspective that a man’s inability to be respectful of a woman he desires is his own profound personal weakness, and that her objectification was less important here than his role as objectifier. How many will exploit Rose for pleasure and then mock and devalue her in the fashion of Kanye’s misogynistic ‘Blame Game’?
Rose says she cried for two days.
Do I think she was wrong for taking those photos? No. But they should never have become accessible on that level. As women seeking to enjoy healthy sex in the twenty first century there is an important conversation to be had on how we employ technology, and how we protect ourselves against these new online viral threats. Tip for my young sisters: never include your face.
Recommended reading:
Are Real Women Just Bad Porn? By Hana Riazzudin
Smart Women Should Watch Porn by Ms Afropolitan
